The Fire of Life Page 12

  Rayanne clasped her hands together tightly and stared ahead. It was lovely countryside, yet she was giving it so little attention.

  I'm not sure,' she said slowly. Had it? Was it perhaps the importance of having found the elephant who was in pain and therefore a menace to all living creatures? Was it watching the vets as they handled the animals? They all seemed to believe their jobs were worth doing.

  Is it because you're not interested,' Cary asked, or just that you feel inarticulate?'

  Rayanne frowned. She recognised some of the

  landmarks around her—a huge rock, carved out by generations of rain and wind into looking like a lion's head; a cluster of cypress trees which seemed out of place here in the bush, but a few clumps of bricks piled up told the sad story of the house that had once been there and probably burned in a fire. These 'meant they were nearly home and the questions would cease.

  ' I honestly don't know,' she admitted. I'm

  interested, very interested. I was a bit sceptical at first, but now I'm beginning to understand how important it is. I just can't seem to find . . .' She paused, her cheeks hot. You must be bored stiff hearing me say that.'

  They were going through the last gate, Cary shouting to the African who opened it and who replied with a big grin and a salute.

  At least,' Cary said as he drove surprisingly fast down the drive, ' you're honest.'

  Then they were there and Mrs Jefferson came to meet them. My dear child, you do look tired! Was it very frightening? You wouldn't get me going out like that. Why, those elephants . .

  Finally Cary left them and Rayanne had her bath, a little sleep, and woke refreshed. She shuffled through the notes she had made. What should she write about? Perhaps if she made a skeleton draft . . . what did conservation teach the civilised world? Did the understanding, or partial understanding, of the migratory habits of certain animals really teach the civilised world anything worth knowing? she wondered. Was it important to keep the wild animals alive? Was it really necessary?

  Perhaps if she answered those questions, it would get her started, she thought.

  Later that evening, she excused herself and went to bed early. But not to sleep. Instead she sat by the small table and sorted out her notes. Somehow or other the thesis must be written.

  During the next few days, she worked on her notes, trying different angles, unable to write anything that she thought was worth even reading. She began to feel even more depressed, for it showed that her brothers might be right. Perhaps she had no brains, after all?

  Cary had gone away, suddenly called by an urgent phone message. He didn't say where he had gone, but Burt made a guess that it was to help Aileen.

  He likes to play the cool indifferent dedicated man, but I think he really fell for Aileen,' Burt said with a chuckle.

  The course was nearing its end, soon the noisy students would be returning to their home towns and a few weeks of quietness would follow, Mrs Jefferson said.

  Not that I mind having them around. They keep to their own quarters, but I do get a bit tired of the noise their transistors make. Do they really have to have such loud music?' she asked Rayanne.

  It was Burt who answered. Sure they do, Mrs Jefferson. That's the only way to be part of the music.' He grinned as he spoke. At least, that's what they say. They have to be a part so the noise must screech through the brain, leaving you stunned '

  A funny way to enjoy music,' Mrs Jefferson commented.

  He lifted a finger. I agree, but . . . ah! we're

  not young, Mrs Jefferson.' He turned to Rayanne who was standing by the window, watching the movements on the sand as the crocodiles came slowly out of the water. How she would miss the crocodiles .. .

  She swung round. What? Sorry, I didn't hear you.'

  You're young, my dear,' Mrs Jefferson said gently. D'you like loud music?'

  Loud music?' Rayanne's face wrinkled as she frowned. ' Well, I don't know, but I do like to hear it. I mean, there's no point in listening to it if it's too soft, is there?'

  She wondered why they both laughed. ' I can't see the joke.'

  my dear child,' Mrs Jefferson said with a smile, there isn't a joke—it's just that the different generations see everything so differently.' She looked up at Burt. How old are you? I'd have thought you were one of the young ones.'

  He bowed. Thank you, madame. Thank you very much. I'll never see thirty-five again, I'm going on fast towards forty so I can't be called young.'

  That's not old, Burt. Cary is just thirty-five,' Mrs Jefferson said.

  I think men in their mid-thirties are the most interesting of all,' said Rayanne. I met Keith that day we got the hippos and I found him awfully boring, and he's about my age.'

  Burt bowed towards her. You've made my day, if I may be so corny. What a comforting thought, to a man as the years race by ! Do you honestly think we grow more attractive the older we grow?'

  Rayanne laughed. Depends on how much older you do grow.'

  Later that day as Burt patiently taught her to drive the Land Rover, he asked her:

  ` Did you really find Keith a bore?'

  Rayanne was concentrating on what had to be done. They were driving outside the game reserve on a rather bad road but with little traffic. ` He was terribly immature.'

  ' You prefer mature men?'

  ' Who doesn't?' she said as she deftly turned a corner.

  ' How's it going? Feeling happier?'

  Much,' Rayanne smiled. ` Thanks to your patience.'

  Does Cary know I'm teaching you?'

  ' I . . . well, I suppose he doesn't. I didn't tell him. Did you?'

  Of course not. I was afraid he'd insist on teaching you himself and I knew it would be an absolute flop. The things you need most, Rayanne, are praise, encouragement and . .

  ` Patience,' Rayanne finished. Thanks to you,

  I've had all three.'

  My pleasure,' he said, and laughed. Why do you want to drive, Rayanne?'

  So that when I get home I can buy a car and show my brothers that I can drive.'

  ` So you are going home?' he asked, his voice

  becoming grave.

  ' Of course.' She turned to stare at him and Burt grabbed at the wheel, just managing to save them from going off sideways into the deep ditch.

  Hey, watch it, young woman ! ' he said gruffly.

  Then don't talk to me,' she told him in return.

  Back at the house, they found Mrs Jefferson in great distress.

  If only Cary was here ! He'd cope with it. He can manage anything and anyone . .

  What's the trouble?' Burt asked. Maybe I

  can help.'

  I've just heard. Samantha has left Mike!'

  ' I don't believe it,' Rayanne said quickly. She

  wouldn't do a thing like that, I'm sure.'

  Well, Sister Macintyre was here earlier. She wanted to speak to you, Rayanne. She seems to think it's all your fault.' Mrs Jefferson, sitting down in her deep armchair, pressed her hands together, her face unhappy. I told her I was sure it wasn't, but she wouldn't believe me. I don't think she likes you.'

  How could it be my fault?'

  She says you've made Samantha restless and discontented and . .

  She was like that before I got here. Samantha knows I can't really understand why she's so miserable. Yet I can, in a way. If only Mike could interest her in his work ! '

  Or give her a baby,' said Burt. That's the

  real trouble, I think.'

  Rayanne pressed her hands to her mouth, her eyes widening as she thought of something. But perhaps,

  she thought, it was better to say nothing at this stage. ' What's Mike doing?' she asked.

  What can he do? She went off . .

  ' She can't drive,' Rayanne said.

  I gather she got Kwido. You weren't using him, so he took her to Perlee and she told him she was staying with some friends, so when he came back, he concluded that Mike would know and said nothing?

&nbs
p; Then where does Daphne Macintyre come into this?' Burt asked.

  It seems she went to see Samantha because she was worried about her. Samantha's had a bad cold for some time and . . . well, she was out. Daphne waited and Mike came in and knew nothing about it. Then he sent for Kwido, and . . . well, she's just gone.'

  I'm sure she hasn't. Perhaps Mike has forgotten she was going away. He's so lost in his work that he could forget anything.'

  I hope you're right, Rayanne. I do feel so upset about it. Cary won't be at all pleased . .

  Well,' said Burt, we can't do anything to help, I'm afraid. I think I'll go have a shower. You, too, Rayanne?'

  Yes, I am rather sticky with dust,' Rayanne said.

  Should she phone Mike? she wondered. Where was he? Had he driven to Perlee looking for her? Samantha wouldn't run away. She just wasn't that sort. She might have a terrific quarrel, but it would all be open.

  Suddenly Rayanne had an idea... Very quietly

  she made her way outside, knowing Burt must still be having his shower and that Mrs Jefferson would think nothing of the sound of a car starting up. Luckily the key was left in it as it was always left there, since there were no burglars to fear.

  A little nervous, because she had only had a few lessons from Burt, Rayanne started up the engine. All went well, for with no traffic around, one could take a corner badly and yet be quite safe. The African at the gate looked a bit surprised, but let her through, and she drove towards the Crisps' gate. There she paused and asked Lobitha if he knew where the master was.

  He has gone to the Clinic and will then go to Perlee,' Lobitha told her.

  ' Oh dear ! ' Rayanne said, and thought quickly. Well, she had better go to the Clinic, though she had no desire for a scene with Daphne Macintyre, but if Mike could he seen before he left for Perlee .. .

  It wasn't easy and she wondered if Lobitha was amused by her antics, but she finally managed to reverse and turn round, making along the road for the Clinic. Suddenly she saw a deep furrow in the road and swung sideways to avoid it, jamming on the brakes. The engine stopped.

  She tried to start it again. It refused. She tried and tried, for the night was beginning to come down and she was on a lonely back road, one rarely used, she knew. Somewhere an owl howled . . . she heard the chattering of the monkeys who usually went to bed early because they feared the dark. She tried the engine again and again and it refused to start .. .

  Should she get out and look at the engine? she

  wondered. What good would that do? She knew nothing about engines. Should she press on the hooter perhaps doing a S.O.S. sound. If Burt heard and found the Rover gone, he would come to look for her. But could he hear? The road was some way from the house. But surely he would miss her soon . . well, at least within the next hour, and come and look for her.

  Suddenly she caught her breath. Coming through the bushes towards her were several elephants, pulling down branches, eating as if famished. She sat very still, hoping that the sight of a Rover was so familiar that they would take no notice. So long as there wasn't one that had been hurt, she thought, and felt the sweat of fear break out on her face and down her back.

  They came very slowly and walked round the Rover. She closed her eyes tightly and said a little prayer. She could hear the sound of their slow heavy steps, the crash of branches of leaves torn down, and then it seemed to recede . . .

  Opening her eyes, she saw that they had gone past her. They had ignored the Rover! She could feel the tension leave her body and she flopped in her seat. Glancing in the mirror, she saw the elephants had vanished Instead a car was driving towards her . . .

  Cary!

  He drew up behind her and walked to her side. She looked up at him. How angry he would be! She had done the very thing he had forbidden.

  ' Those elephants pass here?' he asked curtly.

  ' Yes,' she nodded, her throat seeming to close up

  so that speech was impossible.

  You must have been frightened.'

  I . . . I was.' She swallowed. He had every right to be angry with her. She had been stupid to come out alone.

  What's wrong?' he asked.

  She stalled, and I can't start the engine.'

  Well, come back with me and I'll send one of the mechanics down.' He opened the door and helped her out. As they walked back to his car, he spoke again. What were you doing?'

  She looked up anxiously. I wanted to catch

  Mike before he left for Perlee. Lobitha told me Mike had gone to the Clinic and then was going on to the town. I wanted to stop him.'

  Why?' he asked as he started the engine and carefully reversed the car until he could find a flat part of the earth road that allowed him to turn.

  Because I'm sure Samantha will phone him tonight.'

  You know why Samantha went? You knew ,she was going?'

  No, I most certainly didn't.' Rayanne twisted on the seat to look at him. I had no idea at all. In fact, I'm sure she must have left a note for him. She wouldn't do such a thing.'

  Why didn't she tell him? Why leave 'a note?' Because they've been arguing about it and I think she was afraid of a big row ..

  How come you know so much about it all? Sister Macintyre . .

  Rayanne's cheeks were hot. ' If you prefer to believe Daphne Macintyre, I can't stop you. She

  just wants to make trouble for me. I only know about it because Samantha discussed it with me. She wants to adopt a child, but Mike doesn't. But she thought if she could have a baby on trial . . . you know, just for a few months, he might change his mind '

  ' Baby on trial?' Cary echoed. Sounds odd.'

  ' It isn't odd at all. I think it's very sensible. Lots of people want babies, but when they get them and find they cry and have to be fed every four hours and so on, they no longer want them. The reverse can also occur. Mike might find what fun it was to have a baby to love and look after, so Samantha was going to try to be a foster-mother. She thought that way Mike might change his mind—also if they're successful foster-parents, it might help them if they applied for a child they could adopt.'

  I see. So Samantha went in to collect the baby?'

  Oh no, you can't do things as fast as that. She couldn't phone them, because Mike might walk in at any moment and she didn't want a big row, so she thought she'd go and stay there for a night or two and see what could be arranged. I'm sure she must.. have left a note for Mike.'

  Well, he says she didn't.'

  But Daphne Macintyre was at the house before him,' said Rayanne.

  Cary frowned. Are you suggesting Sister Macintyre would hide the note?'

  She's capable of anything as far as I'm concerned,' Rayanne said bitterly. She and Christine both hate me. They snub me, ignore me, do everything they can to make life unpleasant for me.'

  ' I think you're being rather melodramatic,' Cary said coldly.

  I am not,' she began angrily, and paused. How did you come to find me?'

  I'd just arrived home and Mother was getting worried because you weren't in your room. Then Burt found the Rover had gone. He went off to look for you, but I decided to see Mike first.'

  Of course, he has priority,' said Rayanne. It didn't matter what happened to me! '

  He looked sideways at her. You had asked for it, you know. It was a stupid thing to do.'

  I know, but . . . well, I'd only expected to go to Mike's. That would have been quite safe.'

  Not really. No more safe than here.'

  Rayanne was silent, twisting her fingers together, wondering when he would really get angry with her for what she had done. Perhaps he would seize it as a good reason for telling her it was time she left Jefferson Hall. That she had outstayed her welcome —if welcome she had ever been as far as he was

  concerned.

  Back at the house, Mrs Jefferson was nearly in tears, but Cary said they had phone calls to make.

  ' Come with me, Rayanne,' he told her, leading the way to his library. He put the call through to
the Clinic. Mike had gone ! Sister Macintyre,' he said, his voice cold, you're sure there was no message left in the Crisps' house? No letter? What . . . oh, I see. Naturally you didn't look. But you didn't see one that might have been there and perhaps blown on the floor because of a draught through an open window? What . . . oh, I see.

  The windows were open, so it might have happened. I understand. I quite realise that had you seen such a letter, you would have told Mike -about it. Naturally. Thank you, Sister Macintyre.' He put down the receiver and looked at Rayanne.

  Well, she says she didn't see a letter or note.'

  She says! ' Rayanne said, her voice bitter. ' Well, it all boils down to this: you either believe her or you believe me. We'll see what Samantha says. Have you quite finished with me? I feel like a hot bath.'

  Yes, quite. I expect you do.'

  At the door, Rayanne hesitated, then she turned. Cary—' she began.

  He looked up from some papers he was sorting out.

  Yes?' It was a cold yes, an uninviting one that made it even harder to do what she felt she ought.

  ' I'm sorry,' she said. I shouldn't have taken the Rover out alone. It was just that I was upset. I . . . I was surprised that you weren't angry with me. I.. . . I . .

  Thought I'd be a monster as I usually am, like all men?' His words were clipped sharp and short as if he was angry. I said nothing to you because I knew you'd been punished enough when those elephants went by you. It must have been a bad moment, but look, Ray, it's time we cleared up something.' He put down the papers and walked towards her slowly. Let's get this straight. Why have you this hatred of men? You hate me, I know that. Do you hate Burt? Did you hate Keith? What is it that upsets you? I've an idea that you're

  afraid of us. Every time a man speaks to you, you clench your hands, stiffen your body. Surely it can't just be your brothers that have given you this complex ? '

  She looked up at him. ' I . . . I don't know. I've always felt like this. I think it was my brothers always teasing me, treating me as a little girl even when I was nineteen . . . even now,' she added. bitterly. ' They just won't accept me as I am. Then . . . then nothing I ever did was right in Dad's eyes. I wanted him to be proud of me, He's terribly proud of . . . of the others. I . . . began to feel it was all so hopeless, that nothing I could ever do would please him, yet it was the most important thing in the world to me : to make him proud of his only daughter.' She turned away. I suppose . . . I suppose I see all men as my enemies as a result. I feel every time that. I'm about to do battle with them, that they're against me before I even open my mouth.'