The Fire of Life Read online

  The door opened and Burt stood there.

  Well?' he asked, his voice strange. So you

  know.'

  ' I know?' Rayanne looked at the newspaper she was still clutching. Oh, yes, I see, you've read it.'

  Seeing that I gave the information, I didn't need to read it,' Burt told her. He walked slowly towards her.

  You told them?' Rayanne caught her breath. Then it's all a joke? A funny kind of joke,' she added bitterly. A lie. Christine accused me of lying about it.'

  It isn't a lie,' Burt said, his voice lifeless. Cary

  asked me to tell the Press.'

  But . . . but . . Rayanne stared at him. ' I

  just don't understand.'

  A thin smile moved Burt's lips. Apparently—according to Cary—you don't exactly hit it off. He said you were always either aggressive or on the defensive. You seemed to see him as an enemy and you were on guard. Some tripe about women's equality. Is that right?'

  Rayanne could feel the colour burning in her cheeks. In a way, yes.'

  Well, Cary said that if he offered you the job, you'd jump down his throat, accuse him of patronage or cruelly teasing you, and probably refuse the job without even considering it. He said he failed to get through to the real you, that you wouldn't let him. He even thinks you hate him . . . simply because he's a man.'

  I . . . hate him?'

  Burt nodded. Absurd, isn't it? Well, Cary

  wanted you to know he was going to offer you this

  job for a few days before he came back. So I told

  the Press you were going to be offered it. You'll notice that I didn't say you would take the job.' He paused. But of course you will.'

  Rayanne put out her hand vaguely and was absurdly glad to feel the back of an armchair. She felt dazed, unable to think properly.

  ' I see no of course about it,' she managed to say at last.

  Then Burt moved—fast, surprising her, taking her in his arms, kissing her, his mouth hard against hers.

  She struggled for a moment and then lay still in his arms, passive but not returning the kiss. He let her go abruptly and just caught her from falling. He gave her a strange look.

  Don't say you're sorry. I know it's not your fault.' He gave a funny little laugh. I was a fool not to have seen it from the beginning. You'll take the job all right.' He turned and left her standing there, silently staring at the closed door.

  Somehow she got to her room, took a straw hat because of the sun and went out into the garden. She walked right down to the water's edge and found a stone on which to sit.

  A huge crocodile lay there, sleeping peacefully, but then, almost as if he had sensed her presence, he began to move. Slowly but with a frightening strength of purpose as he made his way into the water. Rayanne shivered, but still stayed where she was. It was very hot, the perspiration sliding down her face, her thin yellow dress clinging damply to her back. She had to think—she had to think !

  It was a dream come true. Working with Cary.

  Seeing him every day—or nearly every day, for he was obviously away a lot. Living in this lovely quiet place, having work she enjoyed. Maybe she could even write a book about it. She had always dreamed of one day being a writer . . . There was so much to tempt her.

  But . . . and it was a very big but, wasn't she asking for heartache if she stayed? Suppose Cary met a girl he could respect and love, and brought her back as his bride?

  If she stayed, Rayanne told herself, every day would increase the danger of heartache. Even if he didn't marry, the mere fact that he didn't see her would hurt her. Each day, she knew, she would love him more; and each day would make the final ending more painful.

  On the other hand, had she the strength and courage to break away? To return to England, to get some miserable unrewarding job, and let the family tease and laugh at her again?

  What a difficult question it was! She wanted to stay; with all her heart she wanted to stay. But if she did stay, what would it do to her heart? Break it?

  CHAPTER X

  Somehow Rayanne wasn't surprised, when she joined Mrs Jefferson for tea, to learn that Burt had gone.

  He asked me to apologise for not saying goodbye to you, dear girl,' Mrs Jefferson said as she lifted the Queen Anne silver teapot and carefully poured out the tea. He says he thought it was better this way. I imagine you understand.'

  Yes, I understand,' Rayanne said, her voice sad. Poor dear Burt, suffering as much as she was. If only she could have loved him! He was such a dear, so kind .. .

  As the days passed, what was most embarrassing was the fact that Mrs Jefferson took it for granted that Rayanne would accept the job. So did the others. Samantha was thrilled, but she also said she felt Rayanne had made a mistake.

  ' This is dangerous driving,' she said, her eyes narrowed worriedly. ' You do know that? If you don't watch out . . . I mean, let's face it, he's married to his work.'

  ' I know,' Rayanne answered. ' I'm still not sure I'll take the job.'

  Samantha laughed. You will,' she prophesized.

  Alone one night Rayanne tried to come to a decision. She got out a piece of paper and put FOR and AGAINST at the top of the page. Then she carefully thought out and typed neatly.

  She read the result, and then burst into tears. The list read:

  FOR AGAINST

  I love him He can only break my heart

  I love his mother as he doesn't even see me.

  I love the country I hate his sarcasm and stuffi—

  I love the work ness.

  Would he ever treat me as an equal?

  The antagonism of Christine and Daphne.

  There was no answer. No answer at all. She felt tempted to pack her clothes and get away, right away, six thousand miles away where perhaps she could get a job that so enthralled her that there'd be no time to think of Cary . . . Wasn't that the most sensible thing to do? Wouldn't that be less painful in the long run? Yet how could she run away and leave Mrs Jefferson alone? And the job? How could she turn down the job?

  Three days later, a letter came from England. Surprised, because her family, including herself, were all very bad letter writers, she saw it was from her mother. The contents startled her even more.

  My dear Rayanne,

  Your father and I are delighted at the news that you have at last found what you have been looking for all this time. You can imagine how thrilled dear Uncle Joe is. He also talks of coming out to see you and to meet his old love, Mrs Jefferson,

  whom he can remember very well. I enclose the newspaper cuttings as obviously this is your first step on a career that could make your name known all over the world, so you may want to keep them. You can't think how proud we are of you, Rayanne. I always knew that one day you would prove yourself. Your brothers all send their love and say ' Bully for you ' . Not a very gracious remark, but you know it means a lot for them to say that.

  With love from us all, Mother.'

  Rayanne's eyes were smarting with unshed tears as she carefully folded up the letter before she looked at the many newspaper cuttings. The news seemed to have been in every newspaper in England. There was even a photograph of her. One she recognized immediately as taken by Burt.

  Was Burt still in this? Had he sent the news around, knowing her father's name was well-known, as were the names of her brothers? Yet the papers merely quoted what had been written in the South African newspapers, though all expressed amazement at a girl being offered the post! Apparently Cary Jefferson was well-known as a permanent woman-despiser, or perhaps woman-avoider!

  ' Good news, dear?' Mrs Jefferson asked.

  Rayanne looked at her, seeing a blurred figure ' Yes, wonderful. The nicest letter I've ever had in my life.' Suddenly she was dancing round the room, singing happily. ' Just think ! ' she said, stopping in front of Mrs Jefferson, leaning down, one hand on each arm of the chair. ' Just think—they're proud

  of me! They're proud of me for the first time in my life.' Her voice rose exc
itedly. Then she remembered something and stood up. ' Oh, and Mother says Uncle Joe wishes to be remembered to you and he hopes to come out and visit us.'

  Your Uncle Joe?' Mrs Jefferson looked excited. Her hand went to her hair. I wonder when he's coming. I must go to the hairdresser. Oh, my dear girl, isn't life exciting these days?'

  But was it? Rayanne wondered that night as she went to bed. This had merely added another problem to the one she couldn't solve. Her family was proud of her. What would they say if she turned down the job?

  The next day after she had been to see Samantha, Kwido drove her back. It was rather early for lunch and there was no sign of anyone in the house. Rayanne hesitated in the lounge, looking round, wondering where Mrs Jefferson could be. The sound of a door opening made her swing round. It was Cary.

  Why, Cary ! ' she exclaimed, and moved instinctively towards him with a betraying eagerness. Now as she coloured, she added, We didn't expect you yet.'

  I'm aware of that.' He closed the door and leaned against it. I've just been listening to your lecture.' His voice had no warmth, no approval in it.

  What did you .. . er ... did you ... Is it all right?' Rayanne stammered.

  He frowned, those great tufty eyebrows moving. Of course it's all right,' he said, almost crossly. Why shouldn't it be? I knew you'd make a good

  speaker. Very articulate. The kind of voice one can listen to indefinitely.'

  She blushed with pleasure. ' I'm glad you liked it. Cary, about this job . .

  What job?' he asked, staring at her.

  ' Well, the job of . . . of lecturing for you when you're away,' Rayanne said, suddenly nervous. Had it all been a joke of Burt's? A strange unfunny joke, but the result of knowing she didn't love him?

  Oh, that.' He moved forward, coming nearer to her with surprising quickness. I'm afraid that's off.'

  It's . . . off?' Rayanne went white, she could almost feel the blood leaving her face. You mean, you don't want me?'

  It was like a slap in the face. All this time she had been trying to make up her mind, trying to decide whether it was better to grab at what happiness she could, even if the price was high to pay. And it was all off. The job was not to be hers. She would have to go away .. .

  Her nose seemed to prickle—a frightening sensation, since it was usually a warning she was about to cry and crying was the very last thing she must do.

  Yes, I've been thinking about it. I'm often away for several weeks.'

  And you couldn't trust me?' Anger was sweeping away her dismay. They were back in Square One. ' Just because I'm a woman! '

  His hands gripped her arms. Look, for crying out loud, will you stop this Liberation nonsense? It has nothing to do with your sex at all.'

  Then why . . .' She felt breathless and trembling, angry yet excited, a strange combination of emotions.

  Because I intend to take you with me,' he said. Go with you?'

  He smiled. She caught her breath. If only .. . ' Of course. It's usual for a wife to accompany her husband.'

  A wife?' Rayanne could hardly speak.

  You are going to marry me, aren't you? I thought it was all arranged.'

  ' Arranged? You mean by your mother?'

  He smiled. If it makes her happy to think so, why not let her? I knew as soon as I saw you, that day at the Crisps'. You looked so tired and frightened, I wanted to gather you up in my arms and kiss you, but I knew you weren't in the right mood. You were the girl I'd spent my life looking for. And you?'

  Why, Cary, I knew . . . I knew it was you, then, too. Oh, Cary, it can't be true. It just can't!' she gasped, her voice bewildered. This must be a dream and I'll wake up . .

  His arms were linked now behind her back as he pulled her closer.

  Not a dream, Ray. It's real. Right from the first moment, I loved you, but it seemed absurd. How could you love someone you didn't even know?'

  That's how I felt, too. It was absurd, but . .

  It was true. My mother said at once that you loved me, but I didn't believe it. You were so aggressive at times, I often thought you hated me.

  Then there was Burt West. You were always together.'

  Burt's a darling. I like him, but . .

  He frowned, his tufty eyebrows drawing together. This time she could do what she had always longed to do, lift her hand and gently stroke the thick hard brows. Then she traced her finger down his nose and either side of his mouth.

  There's just one thing, Ray,' he said. ' You know what you're tackling? A lonely life.'

  Lonely?' She laughed and put both her arms round his neck. ' Oh, Cary, if you knew how happy I am! How could I ever be lonely married to you?'