A handful of dreams Page 3

  CHAPTER IV

  As Theo walked towards them, Joanna's face brightened. 'Why, Theo, what a treat!' she called delightedly. Cilia said nothing; she moved a step back, as Theo was not looking at her. He went straight to the boy, holding out a hand. ' Hi, Anthony, I'm your Uncle Theo,' he said. Anthony shook hands solemnly. ' Where's Mum and . . . and Dad?' Theo laughed. ' Yours is as good a guess as mine, son. I heard from your ma that you would be coming out, but she didn't say which day or when. I wouldn't have known, but a friend of mine saw you at the airport and then phoned me.' He laughed. ' She was quite hysterical.' He looked at Cilia, ' She thought you were kidnapping the lad.' ' Are you suggesting ...' Cilia began indignantly, then stopped, for Theo was no longer paying any attention to her. He had turned to Joanna. ' Why weren't you at the airport?' he asked, his voice casual, yet it had a stabbing, tell-me-the-truth kind of accent. ' Paul said he'd go. I had a migraine,' Joanna told him. Cilia half-closed her eyes. The old story! Whenever there was anything Joanna had not wanted to do, she had a convenient migraine. She was still using it, then. Theo was now talking to his nephew. * Last time 34 I heard from them they were in Kenya but on their way here, so they may turn up at any moment. Come along back with me.' ' Have you a horse?' Anthony asked. ' And a dog?' Theo smiled. ' I have six horses and four dogs.' Anthony's face became radiant. 'Goody!' he grinned happily. Cilia did not move. So Theo actually had what her dream was! It was just as if she was not there, the way they were ignoring her. She felt inclined to collect her luggage and go to Victoria, the capital of the island. Yet she couldn't do that. Unless Joanna and Paul actually threw her out, she had to stay. Maybe it would be better for the cats' homes to have the money. It seemed that money caused so much unhappiness, so much envy and jealousy, and she didn't really need it. She had a good job. Her thoughts were interrupted by Theo. ' Look Cilia, I need your help,' he said. ' Also we have much to discuss. I'll send the car over for you in the morning, about ten.' He turned to smile at Joanna and although Cilia had thought he had a face it would be hard to forget, now she saw just how good-looking he was, in a strong way with a squarish chinbut, she noticed with a sudden little moment of amusement, that curl was still standing up on the back of his head. , ' I know our Joanna never gets out of bed until about twelve o'clock,' Theo went on, ' so she won't miss you. See you then, Cilia. Come along, Anthony. Maybe we'll be hearing from your mum. She's much fonder of phones than of writing letters.' 35

  ' You're telling me,' Anthony said with a strange adult air. ' They got mad about it at school. I didn't mind, but the Head did and it made it hard at times.' ' Goodbye, then,' Theo said cheerfully, and he and the boy walked to the car. Cilia felt like rushing after them, grabbing Theo's arm, asking him to stay and back her up during the next few hours. She dreaded them. She could tell Joanna was angry she had always had that kind of lilt in her voice when she was. After the car had gone there was a strange silence Joanna, in her dressing-gown that was pretty enough to be any dress, and Cilia, tired, nervous, very uncomfortably hot in the warm trouser suit that the cold autumn wind of England had made her wear when she left. The silence seemed to go on for hours as neither moved and Cilia's luggage lay on the path. Then Cilia made a move. ' I'm sorry, Joanna,' she said. Joanna's eyes flashed. ' I should think so, too! I've never been so shocked or hurt in my life. When we heard Aunt Lil had died, it seemed the chance of a lifetime. Paul and I planned what we would dotravel round the world, meet all the big noises, perhaps be invited on a yacht in the Mediterranean. We had such dreams, and now . . .' she added bitterly. ' I know. It must have been a shock, it was to me.' ' Was it?' Joanna asked. Cilia's cheeks burned. She had been waiting for this. 6

  ' Do you honestly think I had anything to do with it?' Joanna shrugged, turning away. ' Who knows? Well, we'd better go in. I was restingthis wretched migraine.' ' I'm sorry to disturb you,' Cilia began stimy. Joanna swung round. ' You have no choice, nor have we. Anything is better than the lot going to the cats. How could Aunt Lil do that to us. Cilia? Especially when she hates cats.' ' That's what I couldn't understand,' confessed Cilia. ' Come inside. Your room is ready,' Joanna led the way. It was a beautiful housesurprisingly lofty rooms, each with enormous picture windows and a verandah outside. The furniture was modem, the oil paintings on the wall were abstract, the curtains pure silk and bright colours, golden and deep purple. Joanna led the way through the large room into a corridor. At the end, she opened a door. ' This is yours,' she said, her voice cold. . Cilia stood still, looking round. ' It's lovely,' she said. ; The curtains were an apricot-coloured silk with a matching bedspread, the floor was highly polished with several yellow rugs. There was an armchair, a desk and a chair, a huge wardrobe built in, a pressing table with a long mirror. But it was the [brightness that fascinated Cilia, the view through [the window of the grass lawn going down towards |he white sand and the blue lagoon. There were pirds darting about the garden, with bright yellow r 37 beaks and deep red breasts. ' It really is lovely,' she said again. Joanna shrugged. ' You can't live on scenery. One can get awfully bored here. My Henrietta should be around, she's apt to fall asleep when not working. Are you hungry?' ' I am a bit,' Cilia confessed. ' You'd probably like a bath, so I'll leave you. She'll bring in your luggage, the bathroom is next door. I'll see you in half an hour.' ' Okay,' said Cilia, trying to sound cheerful. In fact, she was feeling more depressed each moment that passed. Joanna obviously blamed her for what had happened. Cilia knew her visit would be a miserable one. Surely Aunt Lil could have known that, too? A slim dark girl came in with a smile that seemed to fill her face as she carried in the luggage and started to unpack. ' It's all right,' Cilia said quickly, ' I can do it.' The girl gave what looked like a little curtsey and a smile and left her. Cilia had the bath running as she hastily unpacked. She hadn't brought much out with her, for she had very few thin clothes, the kind Peter had said she would need. There must be shops somewhere near so she could buy something more suitable. After the bath and brushing her hair. she put on a thin white dress and went to the large lounge. There was no one there, but Henrietta came hurrying, giving her funny little curtsey and saying in her broken English that the food, it was ready. She took Cilia to an equally large room; the diningroom, with a huge oval table and about ten chairs 38 round it, as well as deep blue curtains and pale blue wallpaper. It looked as if Paul and Joanna did a lot of entertaining. Cilia thought as she sat down. ' Madame?' she asked. ' She is not one to eatin the day,' Henrietta said slowly. So Cilia was alonewith cold meat and salad. How quiet it seemed, she thought, how strange with Henrietta standing behind her chair patiently. But at last the meal was over, the chocolate mousse being delicious, and Cilia wondered what she should do next. It was obvious that Joanna didn't want to talk to her, and yet they must. They could not live together even for a few weeks, unless they were able to talk. 39

  CHAPTER V

  Joanna was waiting on the verandah, sitting comfortably with her legs up on a garden swinging chair. She was wearing a leaf-green dress that made the redness in her hair even more beautiful. Joanna had always been the beauty, the lively niece with the friends she brought to the Cottage, whereas Cilia had been the quiet, ordinary-looking girl with few but very good friends, a happy girl, whereas Joanna had never been content, her dreams always demanding more that she had. Cilia realised all this as Joanna called. Her legs felt reluctant to move her, but she went out into the sunshine with the beautiful view before her. She was in no mood for admiring the view; she was trying to face up to what she knew lay ahead. Looking up at her, Joanna began. ' I didn't know you knew Theo,' she said, her voice almost accusing. Taken aback, for she had expected a very different kind of remark, Cilia said, ' I only met him the other day. I didn't know you knew him, either.' ' Paul was at the same school,' Joanna explained. ' I know. Theo told me.' Cilia sat down in a chair near her sister. ' Look, Joanna, we've got to get this clear. I knew nothing about Aunt Lil's will. You must believe me. It was as great a shock to me ...' Joanna gave a
n odd smile. ' If you say so.' 'You don't believe me, do you?' Cilia drew a 40 long deep breath. ' Look, you must believe me, Joanna. When Mr Kent called me to his office to hear the will read, I thought it was a waste of time, because Aunt Lil had always said we were the only two in her family, so why was there the need for a will or the reading of it? Then I thought maybe they had found a relation, or several, but when Peter Kent read out the will, it was a terrible shock, and I said at once I would give you half the money. Then ... then I heard the conditions and I couldn't believe it.' ' Nor could I,' Joanna said bitterly. " I thought Aunt Lil loved me.' ' She didthat was one of the reasons . . .' Cilia began quickly, and paused. How could she tell Joanna that Aunt Lil had not trusted Paul? Apparently there was no need to, for Joanna said at once, ' She hated Paul. She just hated him, and it wasn't fair. It wasn't his fault his father married another woman .. .' ' His father... married another... ?' began Cilia curiously. 'Yes.' Joanna's eyes were bright with anger. 'It was all so unfair. I didn't know. Aunt Lil never suggested that she had ever been in love. It was Paul's mother who told him. Aunt Lil and Paul's father were engaged. The marriage was only a wteek away when he eloped with her best friend. Aunt Lil never forgave him. That's why she hated Paul, their son, and why she didn't want me to marry himwhy she's behaved so meanly. How do you think Paul feels? Why should heand Ibe punished for something his father did? In any case, I can't see Aunt Lil being a loving little wife, 41 she was far too bossy.' 1 Aunt Lil? Cilia was thinking. In love and never able to forget the pain she felt when she was rejected? Could it be true? It didn't seem so to her, for Aunt Lil had never been bitter or the kind of woman who never forgave. Yet, in a way, it ex-plained thingsand yet in another way it didn't, for why should she hurt Cilia for something Paul's father had done? No, it was more likely something Paul's mother had made up, for it had been obvious to everyone in the village that Aunt Lil and Mrs Beasley were not good friends. Joanna was still talking and Cilia made an effort to jerk back to the present and listen. It was the same thing over and over againhow could Aunt Lil be so cruel, so mean, so unfair, about the disappointment Paul and Joanna had felt, the injustice? Wasn't there a way out? ' I said at once I'd give you half,' Cilia managed to get a word in, ' and that was when Peter Kent said there were the conditions. I had to come out here at once and I mustn't spend more than a certain amount of money each year without one of the trustees' approval.' ' Trustees?' echoed Joanna. ' Mr Kent said nothing about that, just that he was a trustee. Who's the other?' ' Theo.' 'Theo?' Joanna was so startled that she sat up, nearly falling off the swinging chair. ' Where does he come into it?' Cilia hesitated. How could she say frankly to her sister that Aunt Lil had believed Paul would gamble away all the money?

  ' She felt there should be two trustees in case one got killed.' ' But it's absurd! You're no child. You don't need protectingand against whom? Paul, I suppose,' Joanna said bitterly. ' What have the trustees got to do?' ' I'm only allowed so much money each year,' Cilia explained. ' If I want more than thatwhich I would want if I could have itI have to have one of the trustees' permission.' ' Only one?' Joanna's face brightened. ' That's not so bad, then. Theo is a very close friend of mine. I'm sure I can make him see . . .' She actually smiled. ' Oh, that does make things better.' A long white car turned into the drive. Joanna waved. ' Here's Paul,' she said, then turned to Cilia. ' He's terribly jealous of Theo and most possessive. I don't want him to know Theo is mixed up in all this if we can possibly avoid it.' ' Won't Theo tell him?' asked Cilia. ' I'll ask him not to mention it.' As Paul came in Joanna's voice changed. ' I still think you must have known something about it. Cilia.' ' I didn't. . .' Cilia began, startled by the sudden attack as Paul came through the French window. ' Why, Cilia, nice to see you. My, how you've changed in the last four years,' he said as he pulled her to her feet and kissed her. Paul had changed, too, she was thinking. He was still short, but now he was much fatter. His hair was sandy, still long to his shoulders. He was wearing a thin suit and seemed really pleased to see her. 43

  I'm four years older,' Cilia said with a laugh. 8 No longer a teenager.' ' A very much prettier one. I'm sorry I couldn't meet you. I got held up by the boss and when I eventually got to the airport they said they'd got you a car. Well, how are things?' ' She says she's very upset about it all,' said Joanna. Paul hugged Cilia. ' Of course she isso are we all, but let's face it,' it was the old lady's money, so she had a right to do with it as she likes.' ' We are her flesh and blood,' Joanna objected. ' Let's forget it,' shrugged Paul. ' Now, sit down, Cilia, and tell me all the news. Are you selling the Cottage?' ' I wanted to talk to you both about it. I don't want to live in it alone.' ' I don't want to live in itever,' said Joanna. ' But if you sell itcan you give me half?' ' If the ...' Cilia began, but Joanna butted in; ' If the trustee agrees, you can?' 'Yes.' Cilia was puzzled. Why mustn't Paul know Theo was a trusteeand why was he jealous of Theo? Could Theo and Joanna be in love? Theo had said she was attractive and witty and it was obvious that Joanna thought a lot of him, too. Paul laughed. ' Poor little Cilia! For the rest of your life you've got to do what the trustee says.' ' No, I haven't,' Cilia said quickly, relieved that Paul was there, for already the atmosphere had changed. He didn't believe that she had known anything about the willnor did he blame her for it. How very different from her own sister's attitude. ' When I get married, I can do what I like. 44 There'll be no ... no trustee to approve of what I .want or disapprove.' & 'When you marry?' Paul said with a smile.I'Then you won't have to put up with it for long. | girl like you won't stay single.' He jumped up. | Feel like a walk? I do, and it would do the dogs |;ood.' He laughed. ' No use asking Joanna. She won't walk an inch more than she can help.' s ' I should have a carcooped up here all day ilong,' complained Joanna. Cilia's eyes brightened. ' Couldn't I buy a car, then you could borrow it?' Joanna sat up, her face bright with delight. ' Now that really is a good idea. You drive? A pity.' She shrugged. ' Still, we can share it.' ' Yes. It must . . .' Again Cilia hesitated, for Paul might say that on the island she could do what she liked when she was so far from her trustee, not knowing that one of them lived so near. Paul was looking at her shoes. ' Got some flat heels? It's quite a climb. Got a hat? You haven't? Well, there's a straw one somewhere. I'll find it.' He hurried inside the house. Joanna beamed. ' Bless you. Cilia I I've wanted a car of my own for years.' ' We'll have to pretend it's mine,' said Cilia. ' Theo . . .' ' Don't worry about him,' Joanna said, waving her hand theatrically. ' He'll look the other way all right. Better go and change your shoes. Sooner you than me!' she laughed. Paul was waiting when Cilia returned, her shoes changed. He tossed her a cream straw hat with a pointed peak and a red ribbon tied round it, with 45 two strips of ribbon hanging behind. The dogs came racing to join them when Paul whistled, so elegant and graceful, so happy. ' Joanna hates walking,' Paul explained as they walked down the track, the dogs racing ahead then running back to leap up at them joyously. ' She always did,' Cilia said with a laugh. ' She hates everything but money,' Paul went on as they crossed the main road and began to walk up a winding path that went through the palm trees. Cilia looked at him quickly. ' I'm afraid she always had a thing about money.' ' Yes, she's always pushing me, wanting me to be ambitious. But I'm afraid I'm made the way I am.' He sounded so sad Cilia felt she had to comfort him. ' It's a nice way, so I wouldn't worry,' she told him. He put his arm lightly round her shoulders. ' Bless you! I sometimes wonder why she married me. She should have waited for someone like Theo someone born rich, inheriting a fortune and making one. He knows all the right peoplethat's why he's such a success as an architect. The main thing is always to know the right people.' The path had narrowed, so now he took his arm away and walked ahead, talking over his shoulder. Rex and Rue, the dogs, had raced on ahead of them. It was strangely quiet, but every now and then a brightly coloured bird would swoop down on them and sing, soon to be joined by another and then another. There were butterflies everywhere, a size Cilia had never seen before and such wonderful colou
rs. It was a long climb and Cilia began to wish she 46 hadn't agreed, because she was growing more and more sleepy. The humidity made it hard to breathe as they clambered over fallen stones or roots of the palm trees. As they moved into a flat opening, a group of yellow-headed birds appeared, all chattering away. Paul looked back. ' Time we got back. The mynahs always do that as a warning that the sun is thinking of setting. But first come and see this view.' His hand on hers, he took her over the uneven surfacefor they were now standing on top of a huge stoneto the edge. It was terrifyinga deep drop, an absolute drop of the height they had climbed. At the bottom was a churning pool of water which was fed by lots of little waterfalls. For a moment. Cilia felt frightened, for it was as if it was enticing her and she was glad of Paul's hand as she stepped back quickly. ' You don't like heights?' he asked with a smile. ' Not... not if there's nothing in front of me,' she confessed. He laughed. ' It sort of calls you, doesn't it? I think it would be an easy way to die.' Cilia turned, her face shocked. ' You're not... ?' ' Thinking of suicide?' He sighed, ' No. Sometimes I do. Much as I love Joanna, there are times when she drives me nuts. She wants so much and I can give her so little.' ' You give her love,' Cilia said gently. 'Does she want it?' he asked bitterly. 'Sometimes I wonder. There's no satisfying your sister. Give her what you can and she still wants more.' ' Five thousand pounds a year is a lot of money,' 47 Cilia pointed out. ' Not to Joanna. Fifty thousand pounds a year would be nearer her mark,' he said bitterly. ' She wants the impossible.' ' She always did,' sighed Cilia. They were making their way slowly down the path. Cilia grateful for Paul's hand on her arm as the ground was slippery and she kept giving little skids. ' Look, Paul,' she said, ' we'll think up a way to do it. So long as it seems I'm spending the money on myself, I can spend a lot on Joanna. That might help.' He turned his head and she was startled to find it so near hers. She could feel the warmth of his breath as he smiled. ' Bless you. Cilia I You're a darling.' They were within sight of the house when he suddenly turned, his face startled. What happens when you die, Cilia? Will it all go to a cats' home?' < I never thought of that,' she confessed. ' I should think my nearest relativewhich is Joanna would get it. I'll ask . . .' She stopped just in time. She had so nearly said Theoand that was the last thing she must do. ' When I write to Peter Kent, I'll ask him,' she finished. Paul laughed. 'Not that it matters. You're good for another seventy years, I'd say.' ' Help!' she laughed. ' I don't think I want to live that long.' He looked at her strangely. It all depends, doesn't it?' There was an odd expression in his eyes she could not understand. But she could agree. What he meant was that it; 48 (.all depended on happiness, and how could you be | L happy when you were alone? As she was alone I- now. Joanna had Paul. Theo had Anthony. She I -had no one. No one at all. 49