The Fire of Life Read online

  asked herself. Why had he let her believe Aileen was chasing him? Was it a sign that he knew Rayanne was in love with him and it amused him to see her hurt and anxious? No, surely not, she told herself. Cary wasn't cruel. He couldn't be deliberately cruel, of that she was sure.

  However, next day after Aileen had said farewell and Mike Crisp driven her to the airport, Rayanne wondered if Cary could be deliberately cruel, after all. Burt had vanished, saying he wanted to develop some films. Mrs Jefferson was busy talking to the gardeners about their work for the day. So Rayanne found herself temporarily alone with Cary in the garden, drinking ice-cold drinks under the trees.

  ' Well?' Cary asked, his voice amused. She

  wasn't after me, after all, as you thought. At least, not in the same sense!'

  Inside Rayanne, anger stirred slightly. You

  gave me the impression that she was.'

  He laughed. ' What a joke! If I really thought every girl was after me, I'd end up an egoist.' You're one now, I think.'

  ' I thought you probably did. A proper monster, that's how you see me, isn't it? He laughed again. Well, at least Aileen knows where she's heading. Ambitious, hardworking, determined to succeed—what a horrible mixture for a woman! '

  Rayanne sat up stiffly. And why shouldn't she be ambitious, hardworking and determined to succeed? Can you give me any reason why that makes her a horrible mixture? Aileen is not only most attractive but a very nice person! ' She paused,

  for she saw he was trying not to laugh, his eyes amused. So . . .' she began, and stopped.

  So what? Maybe I'm an exception, but I like my women feminine and helpless,' Cary said. A successful woman is usually a pathetic creature.'

  And why should she be pathetic and a man not?! Rayanne asked, indignantly again.

  Cary chuckled. ' I didn't say that a man wasn't. You're quoting my words before they're spoken.'

  The way you spoke implied that you meant women only.'

  ' Well,' Cary spoke thoughtfully, ' let's face it, Ray. Women mean well but usually fail by trying too hard to succeed.'

  A cold finger seemed to slide down her back. Now that's a nasty thing to say!'

  He looked astonished, even perhaps a little hurt. It wasn't meant to be.' He spoke almost accusingly. Now you're looking at my words out of context. What I meant was that because women are idealists, they often tackle more than they can finish.'

  Isn't that better than tackling nothing?'

  Cary tugged thoughtfully at the lobe of his left ear.

  You could be right . . Rayanne felt a warm

  flush of triumph, for he had admitted it. I

  suppose,' he added, spoiling it with his scepticism. Do you succeed in doing everything you tackle?' she demanded.

  He smiled. Of course not.'

  Then why . . .' she began, then stopped. Sighing, she looked at him. What was the good of

  arguing? They could talk all night and get nowhere. He was too clever. You could never hope to win and he knew it, and let you know he knew it, too.

  She was surprised when he suddenly leant forward and took hold of her hand. ' Don't look so stricken, little Ray. I think women are wonderful.'

  Jerking her hand free, she glared at him. ' You don't, you know you don't. You like to make fun of us, make us look fools. That's what you like doing. You men are all the same, you make use of us, but you don't respect us or . . . or . . .' She had to stop, for her voice was frighteningly unsteady.

  He moved with a swiftness that startled her, kneeling in front of her, his hands on the arms of her chair so that she could not escape.

  ' We do love you,' he said, supplying the word she had been unable to say. ' Otherwise we wouldn't marry you. What you women don't seem to understand is that the average man suffers from an inferiority complex. We're fully aware that you women are not only highly intelligent, but much stronger than we are, and we're so terrified that you're going to dominate us, we have to try to make you feel small and insignificant. Can you really blame us? It's a battle for survival.'

  His face was frighteningly close to hers. For once, she could see herself in his eyes. She felt herself trembling and his eyes began to twinkle. As usual, he was teasing her.

  This arrogant, hateful . . . she began to think, but her thoughts slid to a standstill. Arrogant, per-

  haps, but hateful, no, quite definitely no.

  Ray,' he said. Oh, Ray, why do you rise to

  the bait so quickly?'

  And suddenly she was laughing.

  ' You are the end,' she told him. ' The positive end!'

  He chuckled. Play it cool, baby,' he joked.

  This is just a beginning.'

  He leaned forward and lightly kissed her cheek.

  See you,' he said, rising to his feet with incredible speed, and she found herself alone, sitting back, still shaking a little, and watched him go with his long rapid strides towards the house.

  What had he meant? she wondered. Just a beginning . . . ?

  Slowly Rayanne followed Cary into the house, meeting his mother when she reached it.

  Dear child,' Mrs Jefferson said warmly as she took Rayanne's hands in hers. I'm so glad that girl has gone. She was such a bore.'

  Rayanne stared. I thought you liked her.'

  ' Liked her?' Mrs Jefferson laughed. I couldn't bear her, but she was Cary's friend, after all, and I had to be polite. I'm glad we're on our own again.'

  Later Burt said much the same. I can't stand that type of career woman. She can talk of nothing but her work. Anyone would think my work was utterly unimportant.'

  ' I thought you were a friend of hers,' Rayanne said.

  He laughed. So we are, but even friends know the truth about one another. She uses me. I can

  be useful at times because I know the right people. Apart from that, she has no time for me. I bore her.'

  But, Burt, you've never bored me,' Rayanne said impulsively, then regretted it, for she saw the light in his eyes as he turned to her.

  ' I don't?'

  They were walking along the lawn, just above the edge of the river. Several crocodiles were asleep on the hot sand and Burt was taking photographs of them. He had a film camera and wanted the crocs to move, but stubbornly they refused, their eyes tightly closed.

  Well, we seem able to talk about anything,' said Rayanne ' We argue about everything, and it's fun.'

  He laughed. That's the difference between you and Aileen. In Aileen's eyes, only one person can possibly be right—Aileen Hampton. You're always ready to admit that the other fellow could be right. Then one can argue. Oh, Aileen's not bad, actually I'm quite fond of her, but she does rather send me round the bend with her know-all. These dedicated women drive me mad!'

  Cary said much the same,' Rayanne told him, pausing to toss a pebble into the still water that hardly rippled in response.

  He did?' Burt laughed. He made it pretty

  plain that he had no time for her. She only wanted that introduction, you know. You thought she was after him—Cary, I mean, didn't you?' He laughed again. ' You and those two birds, Daphne and Christine. What do you see in Cary that makes him

  so special?'

  Rayanne caught her breath. Had Burt discovered the truth? She breathed again as he went on casually:

  ' I can see that most girls would find him attractive, that rather arrogant superman sort of behaviour of his has a strange charm. But he's so dedicated to his work. I doubt if he'll ever marry.'

  I doubt it, too,' Rayanne said, unaware of just how wistful her voice was; nor did she see the quick look Burt gave her and the cloud that seemed to come over his face.

  Whoever he does marry will have a tough life,' he said, his voice almost sulky.

  Yes, I guess so.' Rayanne sighed. ' But it would be worth it.' Even as she spoke, she realised what she had said. Feeling her cheeks growing hot, she managed a laugh, and added: If she really loves him.'

  Burt put away his camera. ' Hopeless waiting here
,' he said curtly. Let's go back. We'll try another day.'

  Walking over the lawn, he looked at her. ' What is this thing called love?' he asked.

  I sometimes wonder,' sighed Rayanne, walking slowly, her eyes watchful as she stared at the house, wondering where Cary was. It seems to me you can be very happy with someone and like him very much and yet not love him, while you can love someone and be unhappy with him because . . .' She paused.

  Burt looked at her. ' Because?'

  ' Because he doesn't love you.' She laughed.

  C est la vie, as Harold would say. He's my eldest brother and he's always being philosophical. It drives you mad. No matter how bad things are he always grins and says c' est la vie. Suppose it is life, but that's no comfort.'

  ' You've got five brothers?' Burt asked. I'm

  an only child.'

  I wish I was,' Rayanne said quickly.

  Burt shook his head. You wouldn't if you were. It's lonely. Besides, they expect too much of you when you're the only one.'

  They do when they're five of them. Imagine my life—with a father and five brothers all waiting for me to do something dramatically important, important enough for them to say proudly: " My sister is a . . ." or better still, " Just think what my daughter has done! " That's what they're waiting for, and what on earth can I do to satisfy them?'

  Burt looked at her. This is the chip on your

  shoulder, is it?' he asked.

  Startled, she turned. Has Cary been talking to you about me?'

  Sure. Why not? We've both noticed your moods.'

  I do not have moods,' she said indignantly.

  Oh no?' Burt laughed. I'd say you have more silent moods than any girl I know. An aura of anger surrounds you and sometimes the way you glare at poor Cary makes me wonder he doesn't go up in smoke.'

  I do not glare at Cary ! '

  ' Oh no? Maybe I should have a candid camera around some time. Might shock you, rather. Why

  do you hate him so?'

  I do not hate him!' she said angrily.

  Don't you? Yet you get mad at the slightest thing he says.'

  It's because he will tease me, and I hate . . Being teased?' Burt laughed. Yet you let me tease you.'

  Well . . Rayanne hesitated. You tease

  differently.'

  Is that a compliment or the reverse?'

  It was a question Rayanne couldn't answer; or, at least, she couldn't tell him, though she knew the answer all right. It didn't matter when Burt teased her because it didn't matter to her what he thought!

  A compliment, of course,' she said, uncomfortably aware of a keen look in his eyes as he stared at her. Whatever happened, he mustn't know the truth. Suppose he told Cary . . . ?

  ' Actually, according to Cary,' Burt went on, so Rayanne began to walk again, wishing she could end the conversation, you hate all men. I didn't think you hated me.'

  Of course I don't hate you, and I certainly don't hate all men. Only just a few.'

  And Cary is one of them?'

  ' Oh, look! ' Rayanne turned to him again angrily. Leave me alone. How do I know if I hate him or not? What is hate, anyhow? I admire him very much, I like him . . . sometimes. He maddens me, makes me angry and then laughs at me. Naturally that makes me furious, yet he has a gift of making me laugh with him. Not at him, but with him against myself. No, I don't think I could

  say I hate him, but . .

  Rayanne, dear child, I'm going shopping tomorrow. I wondered if you'd like to come with me?' Mrs Jefferson, coming carefully down the few steps from the stoep to meet them, called.

  ' I'd love to,' answered Rayanne. I haven't

  seen any of the countryside yet.'

  There isn't much to see—except bushes and trees and mountains,' Burt told her.

  Now, Burt,' Mrs Jefferson said with a smile, that's not really fair. There's a lot of beauty round here.'

  Rayanne agreed next day when they left the house. Rather to her mixed dismay and pleasure, she found herself sitting next to Cary. Mrs Jefferson had insisted on sitting in the back. It was more comfortable, she said, but Rayanne, glancing at Cary, saw the smile playing round his mouth and knew that Mrs Jefferson had made it up; that normally she preferred the front, but she wanted to put Cary and Rayanne together! Oh, these matchmaking Mothers, Rayanne thought. If only they would leave you alone!

  The day was intensely hot. Her dress was wet before she even left the house. There wasn't the slightest wind and she wondered how the old lady could bear it. But Mrs Jefferson seemed content and looking forward to her shopping.

  Luckily Cary has business to do, so we can enjoy ourselves, Rayanne,' Mrs Jefferson said, propped up in the corner of the car with various cushions Cary had found for her. ' Some of the shops are quite

  good.'

  The earth road continued a long way, running alongside the high wire fence. They saw few wild animals, only a dozen giraffes galloping off with their funny movements away from the sound of the car.

  At last the car was on the main road. This was also earth, but much more level, so the violent jerks and ·shakes that had been their lot up to then, no longer happened.

  Perlee was a small town, but as Mrs Jefferson had said, there were several very good dress shops with the latest fashions. Mrs Jefferson needed some new clothes, she said, would Rayanne help her decide what to wear?

  I like crazy clothes, but Cary, dear boy, is very conservative about what his mother should wear. However,' she laughed, ' I lay no store by what he says. I do what I like, and I tell him so. Don't you think I'm right?'

  Absolutely,' Rayanne agreed. She sat on a chair in the little fitting room while Mrs Jefferson struggled to get into a pale orange trouser suit.

  What do you think?' Mrs Jefferson twisted and turned to try to see her back view in the mirror.

  ' It does something to you,' said Rayanne, and it did. Besides, why shouldn't Cary's mother wear what she liked? After all, when you get old, Rayanne thought, there can be very few pleasures to enjoy, so why not let her enjoy this?

  Good!' Mrs Jefferson beamed. What about

  you?' She turned to the assistant. Have you any really thin clothes? My young friend feels the heat

  very much.'

  Rayanne hesitated. Did she really need any more thin clothes? After all, she couldn't stay there forever, and they'd be far too thin to wear in an English summer.

  The assistant brought two dresses, one leaf-green and one snow-white.

  They look just you, Rayanne my dear,' Mrs Jefferson said eagerly. Do try them on.'

  So Rayanne did, and Mrs Jefferson was right. They were perfect—light, beautifully thin and comfortable. But were they really necessary?

  Do have them, Rayanne,' a deep voice said.

  Rayanne swung round, startled. Cary stood in the doorway, smiling at them. She was wearing the leaf-green dress.

  You like it?' she asked.

  He shrugged. Does that matter? The important thing is that you like them, so why not have them?'

  Why not, indeed?' his mother chimed in. It's

  going to get hotter in the days ahead, Rayanne, dear child. You're going to need them.'

  Rayanne stared at Cary. Should she ask him how long she could stay? His eyes met hers and there was a moment of silence. Rayanne had the strangest of feelings—that he could read her thoughts.

  Yes, Ray,' he said gravely, take them. You're going to need them.'

  CHAPTER VI

  That evening was strange, Rayanne thought, but they all seemed to miss Aileen. Dinner was a quiet meal despite the excellently-cooked food Mrs Jefferson's cook,. Matilda, had prepared for them. There were sudden silences that seemed to last forever.

  Afterwards as they drank coffee in the drawing-room, Mrs Jefferson sighed.

  ' I think I'll go to bed,' she told them. I have

  what feels like a migraine on its way.'

  Rayanne walked with the old lady. You'll be all right?' she asked anxiously.

 
Mrs Jefferson smiled. Quite all right. It's been

  a trying time for us all,' she said, and closed the door.

  Puzzled, Rayanne stood for a moment in the corridor. She could hear the cicadas humming away and an occasional howl of some wild animal coming from the distance. What had Mrs Jefferson meant? she wondered. It's been a trying time for us all.' Mrs Jefferson seemed to be rather confused; one moment she was saying she found Aileen both boring and tiring, the next she obviously missed her. One moment she had almost ignored Rayanne, making a fuss of Aileen, the next being glad Aileen had gone, and fussing over Rayanne! And now?

  Back in the drawing room, the two men were silent as Rayanne joined them. She poured them all a second cup of coffee and the silence remained. Suddenly she laughed:

  ' You know, it's odd, but we all miss Aileen.'

  Cary looked up, his face creased with a frown. And why should it be odd?' he asked. ' Aileen is intelligent and interesting to talk to. Very dedicated to her work.'

  Rayanne felt the colour in her cheeks. ' Oh, I wasn't suggesting that she wasn't interesting. We used to talk for hours in my room at night. It's just that . . . well, I understand she hopes to go on this lecture tour with . . . I can't remember his name.'

  Cary stared at her, his face grave. ' Yes, Alto Georgius. I hope to join her. It should not only be an interesting tour but may really help us make people see how important conservation is.'

  ' You're joining her?' Burt sounded surprised. ' Yes, I am,' Cary said quietly.

  Burt whistled softly. ' Look, Christine's giving a party to the visiting staff. She asked me, but I thought I'd be playing chess with your ma, Cary, so I said No, but there's nothing much to do, so let's go.' He smiled at Rayanne. Coming?'

  She hesitated. ' I wasn't asked.' She and Christine had hardly exchanged more than a dozen words, and those only when Christine had no choice, for Cary was there.

  Surprisingly Cary laughed. Neither was I.

  Somehow I don't think they're the sort of parties Ray enjoys, Burt.'

  Burt looked annoyed. ' Well, we must do something. We can't just sit here.' He looked at Rayanne Let's go and see Samantha and Mike. I met him earlier today and he said something about fixing it for me to go and film that new baboon