A handful of dreams Page 10

  Peter to ask him. Oh, Joanna, I feel like flying back to England on the next plane and telling the trustees what they can do with their . . . their money.' Joanna's hand flew to her mouth. ' Please don't do that. Cilia.' She turned, her face frightened. ' I didn't want to tell you, but I'm up to my eyes in debt. I knew I was a fool, that I should have had more sense, but somehow I always had a feeling Aunt Lil would die soon and we would inherit all that money, so I could pay the bills. That's why I was so beastly to you when you first came out. I was frightened.' ' Oh, Joanna, how awful! I'm sure there must be some way we can get some money for you. Look, if I can marry Colin, it will solve all our problems.' ' Too big a price for you to pay,' Joanna said, and patted Cilia's hand. ' Don't worry, we'll find a way.' ' Joanna,' Cilia went on, ' Theo made me terribly angry, because he said Paul had introduced Colin to me in order to get the money.' ' Theo said that?' Joanna's cheeks Were red. ' How . . . But then Theo just doesn't understand. He's never liked Paul, always seen the worst in him. Theo can't see that all men are efficient, ambitious and hard-working, but in their own way. He loves his work. Paul loathes his-at least this job. No, I'm sure he would never do that. He's very fond of youbesides, it isn't the sort of mean thing he'd do.' She clicked her fingers. ' I bet you it was Fiona. She got scared in case you got Theo whom she's determined to get, so she put Colin on your track. What do you think ?' Joanna finished, laugh133 ing and yet somewhat serious. Cilia looked thoughtful as she drove into the garden of Joanna's house. ' You could be right. Fiona's known Colin for years.' ' You're not going to marry him, are you?' ' I don't know. I honestly don't know. If I can't get Peter's permission I have to wait until I'm thirty before I can marry whom I like.' ' It's ridiculous,' Joanna said angrily. ' I don't believe it. ' I bet they're making it up for some reason.' ' That's what I think, Joanna. I want to get a solicitor and ask his advice, because I think Theo likes power, to order me around and make me miserable. He certainly succeeds.' As they walked up to the house, Joanna tucked her hand through Cilia's arm. ' Don't worry. Cilia, things will work themselves out. Just don't rush into things. We'll find a solution. That's what Paul is trying to do.' ' Is it why he's so irritable and always bringing work home?' ' Yes, he's doing correspondence studies. Got some big idea.' She smiled. ' I do hope he succeeds. It'll just show Theo.' ' I doubt if he'd notice,' Cilia said bitterly. ' The only person Theo sees is himself.' ' My,' Joanna said slowly, gazing at her younger sister, ' you do hate the poor man 1' Cilia managed to smile. Better, far better for Joanna to think that than to know the truth. i34

  CHAPTER XIV

  One evening as Cilia dined with Colin, she realised how little she knew about him. According to Theo Colin had once worked for himand had been dealt withwhatever that meant! by Peter Kent. Was it in England or on the island? Cilia wondered. Colin had been here for some time, too, according to Joanna and Fiona. Colin laughed when Cilia pointed this out. ' Why didn't I tell you? I thought you'd be bored. Where dp you want me to start?' ' At the beginning. You know all about me, my father dying, us going to live with Aunt Lil who looked after us when our mother died.' ' Okay, you've asked for it,' shrugged Colin. It was a sad story and made her feel closer to him, for he, too, had lost his mother, but that was when he was born and his father was in the Merchant Navy. ' So I rarely saw him. I was passed from foster-mother to foster-mother. I must have been an awful child. No one wanted me.' Poor Colin, who had never known what love really was. But neither had Theo, and she felt no sympathy for him, she realised with a shock. Yet it must have been just as hard to be handed over to a difficult grandfather while your sister went to a grandmother. When Colin kissed her, his hand running down her arm, she found herself fighting the desire to push him away. Which was ridiculous, because she i35 was fond of him. As he let her go, she shivered. Alone in her bedroom, she tried as she had so often done to sort things out. She was fond of a man who loved her dearly and would probably make a good husband, yet she loved Theo Randall, who had probably never seen her as a woman, just as the young girl she had seen in the portrait he was painting of her. Shopping in the market one morning, the sun blazing down, the piles of flowers such lovely crimson, purple and deep golden colours that her eyes were drawn to look at them all the time, she almost bumped into Fiona. Cilia's first impulse was to walk by, pretending she had not seen her, but Fiona gave her no chance, grabbing her arm and smiling a scornful smile. ' Haven't seen you around lately. Been ill?' Fiona asked. ' No,' Cilia said curtly, trying to free her arm, but Fiona's fingers were firm. ' Doesn't Colin take you out any more?' Fiona smiled. Cilia was frowning. ' Of course he does. We dance most evenings.' 'Where?' Feeling inclined to tell Fiona to mind her own business, Cilia shrugged. ' Usually at one of the restaurants.' ' I see. Colin doesn't get invited round like Theo does, but then there is a difference.' Cilia stiffened, with the swarming crowd of shoppers round them, the women in brightly coloured skirts and blouses, the men in well-cut suits. ' What difference?'she asked. 136

  ' One has money, the other none .. . yet!' "FicnaaB. added with a smile that Cilia could only describe to herself as malicious. ' Is he chatting you up?' ' Look, I mind my own business, so please mind yours,' Cilia snapped, so angry she could hardly speak. ' I do. I miss Theo very much,' Fiona said with a smile. ' You miss him?' Taken off her guard. Cilia asked. ' Yes, he's gone off again. Didn't he say goodbye to you? How very rude of him,' Fiona added with a smile, then she let go of Cilia's arm and walked away.Cilia stood still for a moment. Theo had gone? Where? When would he be back? Why hadn't he said goodbye to her? The questions seemed to be buzzing round in her head. Sometimes it seemed to Cilia that she would never get the letter she was waiting for. Surely Peter Kent could have nothing so serious against a man like Colin to make him forbid the marriage? And once she knew she was able to marry him without causing poor Joanna to lose her share of the heritage, then Cilia knew she couldshe would have tomake her own decision. Did she love Colin enough to marry him? When at last the letter came it was absurd, but her hands were shaking a little as she opened the envelope. There was a well-typed letter. She read it and felt a surge of relief mixed with disappointment. W a

  ' I am afraid Mr Kent is away, but I will ask him to write immediately he returns,' Betty Armitage wrote. So nothing had changed? Cilia was still in Square One! There was a sealed envelope as well and as she took it out of the bigger envelope Cilia caught her breath as she recognized Aunt Lil's neat handwriting. Aunt Lil had been a great letter-lover and always answered immediately she received a letter. Cilia's eyes stung as she looked at the well-known handwriting. She had loved Aunt Lil so much, and what had always been so important was the fact that Aunt Lil had loved her and showed her delight when Cilia came home at the weekends. Surely the letter was to have come on her wedding day, Cilia was thinkingbut if that was so, surely Peter's secretary would know that? Perhaps the letter was only to have been kept until a marriage was planned. Suddenly Cilia ached for Aunt Lil's messageit would be a wish for her niece's happiness and it would be so good to read those loving words ... It didn't take long to take out the letter and unfold it flat, and Aunt Lil's clear, neat writing was there to be read. ' My very dear Cilia, ' This must be a happy day for you. It is for me. I only wish I could be with you. You are such a dear girl, quiet, unselfish and loving. You deserve a fine husband. ' As you have perhaps guessed, that is why I made my will so complicated. I like and respect Theo Randall and I am hoping that you, 138

  by staying on the island and having him as a trustee, may have grown to love him. I am sure he will love you. Maybe I should not play the part of a matchmaker, but your future happiness is so important to me and I feel Theo would make you a very good husband and that you would be a good wife. ' Of course it is quite possible that you have fallen in love with another man. If so, I send my love and good wishes just the same, but I can't help hoping the man who will stand by your side at the altar will be Theo. ' I also hope that perhaps by staying with your sister, it will help you both to under
stand one another. You are both adults now and no longer quarrelsome children, so perhaps you are good friends. I do hope so. ' All my love to you both.' Aunt Lil had signed her letter with a flourish. If only it could have been a triumphant one I If only . . . Cilia went outside on to the shaded terrace. She felt confused. Dear Aunt Lil, she had always loved to organise things or help people to be happy. But if only this time she had left them alone, then all would have been well. She and Joanna would have shared the money and Joanna's debts would have been paid. Cilia thought. She herself would have got a riding school and a lot of dogs, happy as could be, whereas now she had only heartbreak, loving a man who saw her as a six-year-old child. Joanna came out. ' An interesting letter?' she asked, looking tired and worried. * Sit down and read this,' said Cilia. ' Aunt Lil, 39 bless her, with the best intentions in the world, got us in this mess. She played a trick on methat was why the will was so complicated. Read the letter.' She lay back on the canvas chair, held out Aunt Lil's letter. ' I feel so humiliatedas if ... as if ... I was a slave being put on show in the market!' Sitting down, Joanna read the letter. She looked up with a laugh. 'The old darling! She meant well.' , ' I know she didbut tricking poor Theo into feeling responsible for meas if he hasn't enough to do as it is. I can only hope he doesn't know. If only Aunt Lil had just done what we both thought she would .. .' ' You'd never have come out herewe'd never have become good friends and you'd never have met Theo,' Joanna said with a smile. That was true. Cilia thought. Would it have been better if she had never met Theo? There wouldn't be this pain, but . . . ' I feel very guilty about Aunt Lil,' Joanna said thoughtfully. ' She loved us both, but you were the one who returned the love. Well,' she smiled, ' did Aunt Lil's trick work? Is Theo going to marry you?' Cilia drew a deep breath. ' Theo marry me? Why, he doesn't even see me!' 'Would you like to marry him?' Joanna asked gently, her eyes worried. ' Me marry Theo?' Cilia laughed, a harsh unnatural sound. ' I wouldn't marry him if he were the last man on earth 1' It was the biggest lie she had ever told and she 140

  knew Aunt Lil would be disappointed in her, for Aunt Lil had taught them to tell the truth always. But how could she tell the truth? Not even to Joanna. The door behind them swung open and Theo's deep voice chimed in. ' How very interesting, Cilia. I must remind you, though, that you have to be asked before you can refuse.' Cilia turned, startled and angry. Theo always managed to make her look a fool. ' I didn't hear your car,' she said accusingly. 'I rode over,' Theo told her, looking amused. ' The horses need exercise and . . .' This was Cilia's chance and she wasn't going to lose it. She jumped to her feet, waving the letter in her hand. ' I might have known it! That's why you came to see me,' she almost shouted. ' We only see you when you want something done. You just make use of me 1' He looked amused. ' Too true. I'll be grateful if you do, but you don't have to ride them if you don't want to. I thought you might enjoy it. Pierre says you're a good rider.' ' Fiona told me you were away,' she said accusingly, and then wondered why she had said such a stupid thing. What did it matter to her if lie w^as away or not? Or at least, that was what he must think. ' Fiona!' Theo laughed scornfully. ' She talks a lot of rubbish. I had to visit one of the islands. I was going to ask you if you'd like to come with me. Cilia, but I gathered you refused to go anywhere without Colin Paine, and somehow I didn't 141 fancy him coming along.' 'Why not?' Cilia asked indignantly. 'He's a friend of mine. I like him.' ' So I gather. Heard from Peter Kent?' ' He's on holiday, so I didn't get an answer.' 'Who's the letter in your hand from?' Theo asked, darting forward and snatching it out of her hand. 'You're not to read iti' Cilia shouted, moving forward and trying to get the letter back. Theo was laughing, holding it just too high for her to reach. ' And why shouldn't I read it?' ' Because it's my letter, and you have no right...' Cilia tried to jump up so she could reach it, but Theo went on laughing and keeping it out of reach. ' Is it a love letter from your beloved Colin?' ' No, it isn't, but . . .' Joanna chimed in, ' I think he has a perfect right to read Aunt Lil's letter. Cilia. He'll know it wasn't your idea. You've made that pretty plain.' ' All right, but . . . but it's my letter and . . .' Seeing she had lost her case, for Theo was not listening to her, but frowning as he read. Cilia sat down sighing. Would this nightmare never end? ' You shouldn't have read this letter until your wedding day,' Theo said, his voice cold. 'You knew that. Or is today your wedding day?' 'Of course it isn't!' ' I understood you wanted to marry Colin Paine. Have you changed your mind?' Theo asked, looking up from the letter. Joanna laughed. ' She can't make up her mind. I hope she won't. He's a real womaniser.' 142

  ' He is not . . .' Cilia began angrily. Why had Joanna to say such a thing? ' How do you know,' asked Theo, his voice scornful, ' with your poor knowledge of men?' He was reading as he spoke and began to laugh. ' Dear old Aunt Lill She lived in a dream world, believing that if you were sure something would happen, it must. Well, Cilia, it's up to you. You'll have to wait for Peter's permission.' Suddenly he frowned. ' But why did you open Aunt Lil's letter when you knew it was to be read on your wedding day?' ' I wasn't sure . . . and as Peter's secretary sent it I thought I must be wrong and that I could read it when I knew I ... I was going to get married.' She stopped speaking, for she saw the lack of belief on his face and she lost control of her temper. ' I wanted to read what she said,' she told .him defiantly. ' She was my aunt. I had a right . . .' He shrugged his shoulders. ' We could argue all day and never agree. I'll be glad if you exercise the horses with Pierre, but if you'd rather not, I'll understand. Goodbye,' he was saying as a car drove down the narrow drive. Joanna leapt to her feet. ' It's Paul!' Her eyes shining, she began to run across the grass as Paul slid out of his car and ran to meet her. Almost automatically Theo and Cilia followed. Cilia puzzled at Joanna's delight. After all, Paul came home every day. Paul's face had lost its tired, dejected look. ' I've made it ... I've made it ... I've made it!' he chanted as he put his arms round his wife and swung her off her feet. 143

  ' Oh, PaulI knew you would!' Joanna was crying, her face radiant with joy, as she clung to him. Then Paul saw Theo and frowned, but Theo held out his hand. ' Congratulations, Paul. I heard the news this morning. We'll miss you, but we all wish you well.' He turned to Cilia. ' Your problem is solved. As a trustee I wholeheartedly agree to anything you suggest about Aunt Lil's money. She would have been proud of Paul had she known.' ' But . . . but what's happened?' Cilia felt as puzzled as she sounded. Paul had one arm round his wife while he was shaking Theo's hand. ' It wasn't easy, Theo. Great news, Cilia. I've got a job, in New York, somewhere we wanted to go. A really good job with a promising future. I got it myself, too,' he said happily, like a small boy who had won a silver cup for swimming or some other sport. 'We'll sell the house and go off as soon as possible. I can't believe it!' Joanna looked at him proudly. 'I knew you would. Working so hard, studying. I just can't wait to see New York. It sounds terrific.' ' It will be,' Paul said happily. ' A dream come true.' Theo was smiling. Cilia knew he was remembering what she had said about dreams. Joanna and Paul were hugging one another again and Cilia was not wanted, she realised, so she slipped up to the house. Nor was she wanted here, for they would be packing, selling the house and off to America. Theo must have followed her at once, 144 for he caught up with her at the house and took hold of her arm. She stood still, keeping her back turned, afraid that if he saw her face he might learn the truth. It was all she could do to stand still, to fight the trembling that threatened. ' What do you want?' she asked, trying to make the words sound cold and unfriendly. He took his hand off her arm and she felt horribly aloneas she was alone. Theo would no longer be her trustee, no longer interested in her welfare; she would be out of his life. And out of Joanna's and Paul's, for they had an exciting new life awaiting them and did not need or want a third person. She felt as terribly alone as she had the day she had heard Aunt Lil was dead. Theo's voice was cool and indifferent. ' That's the end of that. Cilia. You can do what you like with your money, which means you don't have to marry Colin, unless you
love him. I'll write and tell Peter Kent that everything's all right. I've been checking up on Colin. He hasn't gambled for several years, has worked hard and is a different person. Aunt Lil would be proud of him. So everything is all right. Goodbye,' he added. There was a finality, a cold sort of dismissal about his voice that made her say quickly: ' Goodbye, and thank you,' before hurrying into the house and the quietness of her bedroom. She closed the door. Now she could do just what ihe liked. And she had no idea what she wanted ;o do. Which was a lie, she told herself. She loved rheo, she wished he loved her. Here was a dream hat would never come true. i45