A handful of dreams Read online

  'Nothing, of course,' Theo turned to him. ' Except that my nephew is worried about Cilia and has asked me to teach her how to swim.' Her hand flying to her mouth. Cilia shook her head. ' I hate swimming ... I don't want to learn.' ' I'm afraid you've no choice,' Theo told her. ' I've already answered Anthony's letter and promised to teach you.' Fiona clapped her hands joyfully. ' I know. It will be real fun. I'll ask you both round to our swimming pool and you can teach her there, Theo.' ' There's no reason why a promise to a child should be kept if Cilia doesn't want to learn how to swim,' Colin said angrily. Cilia caught her breath. Was Theo deliberately doing this? Baiting Colin in order to make him lose his temper and then having a really big row, perhaps even a fight? Theo was laughing. ' You're quite wrong, Paine. I knew her aunt Lil very well and she asked me to keep an eye on Cilia. I think it's highly important for her to learn to swim, and learn she will. I'm . . .' he paused, looking at Cilia, his eyes amused, ' I'm sure you'll admit that Aunt Lil would wish , me to look after you. Cilia.' | Uncomfortably aware that people were gathering I in a circle round them, laughing, joking, talking, fc perhaps wondering why they were apparently | quarrelling. Cilia knew he was just delighting in I making her feel a fool. She also realised that he |"was blackmailing herquietly threatening to say | he was a trustee of the will. The news would flash |iround the island and Paul would hear and Joanna I' be so upset. I. ^

  Somehow Cilia managed to smile. ' If you insist, Theo,' she said lightly. ' Actually Aunt Lil always wished I could swim. It worried her.' She turned to Fiona, and this time it was even harder to smile. ' How kind of you, it will be much easier in a swimming pool.' ' Be a pleasure,' Fiona told her with a smile. Turning to Colin, Cilia said: ' I've got a headache, Colin. Do you mind if we go?' ' Of course not,' he said eagerly. See you . . . some time,' said Theo. ' How can you avoid iton such a tiny island?' Fiona said with a laugh. Cilia's fingers tightened round Colin's as they hurried through the laughing crowd to the quiet sanctuary of his car. He had driven for fifteen miles or so, when he seemed to explode. ' He has no right.. .' he began. ' He . . . he . . .' Cilia burst out. If only she could tell Colin just how much right Theo hadi Then it was as if something snapped inside her and she began to cry. ' He likes to make me look stupid, make all those people laugh at me,' she said in between sobs. * Why does he have to be so mean? Why must we always fight?' Colin slowed up the car and parked it on a wide open space that stood high on the coast side, looking down at the moonlit sea as the huge waves came racing in, tossing up the sparkling foam. He turned and took her in his arms. ' Don't let that... that man hurt you. He's not worth worrying about.' I felt such a fool. They were all laughing at me,' Cilia wailed like an unhappy child, and Colin 106 kissed her. Slowly, gently, he kissed her cheeks, her eyebrows, the corner of her mouth. Then he turned her head and kissed her on the lips ... a long kiss. She lay very still, not returning the kiss nor avoiding it. Even as she lay still, she found herself thinking: ' Is this all a kiss is? Oughtn't one to feel excited, thrilled . . . why, I feel just as I do when Paul kisses me. It's as if he was my brother . . .' Suddenly they were surrounded by a brilliant light and a car flashed by on the road after turning the corner. The sound of it slowly died away and Colin released Cilia. ' I'm afraid it's serious,' he said, his voice half grave.' What's serious?' she asked, then wished she hadn't, for his arms tightened round her. ' I'm anti-marriage, but I think I feel differently about you. Cilia. What would you say if I asked you to marry me?' She could just see his face in the moonlight. He wasn't jokinghe was dead serious. She drew a long deep breath. Supposing she did marry Colin? It would solve all the problems. She would get' the money and give Joanna her half; she and Colin would be happy together and Theo's taunting words would mean nothing. But did she love Colin? She liked him very much. She was always happy with him. They never quarrelled, but . . . That one little word: But. ' I'd have to think, Colin,' she told him. ' Okay.' He sounded relieved. ' I'm a patieafi 107 man. He walked with her to Joanna's house after he had driven there, then stooped and kissed her. ' Think about it, Cilia. It means a lot to me,' he said, and strode away towards the car. Joanna and Paul were out. The house very quiet. Cilia went to bed, but not to sleep. Colin loved her. If she married him, all their-problems would be solvedthat was, if she could get Peter Kent's consent and also Theo's. Yet what had they against Colin? If she saw another solicitor, perhaps? Why had Theo suggested such cynical, cruel things? First that Paul might have murdered her . . . and then that Paul had planned this marriage so that he could get Aunt Lil's money. Theo had a cruel, mean mind. If only Aunt Lil had known the sort of man Theo was, she would never have made him a trustee. o8

  CHAPTER XI

  Cilia was eating her breakfast alone as usual when she heard the car come. In a few moments Theo had walked in. He stood in the doorway, tall in his white suit, his face stiff and cold. ' Nearly finished?' he asked curtly. 'I want to talk to you, but I haven't got long.' 'I ... I won't be a moment,' she said, then wondered why she should automatically do everything he demanded. He had a nerve! ' I haven't finished my breakfast,' she added defiantly. He jerked out a chair and sat down. ' Okay, not that hurry.' He rang the little brass bell and Henrietta came hurrying in, her smile brightening her dark face. ' A cup of coffee, please. Black. Thank you.' Cilia ate the rest of her breakfast with deliberate slowness. She was not going to jump to attention every time he spoke to her! Unfortunately she was so tense that everything she ate tasted like sawdust! The resentment boiled inside her, building up her anger. He wanted to see her in a hurry? He probably wanted her to ride the horses, for they needed exercise and must have missed it since Anthony left. All Theo did was to make use of her. She was tired of his arrogant selfishnessdead tiredand he wasn't going to order her around just as if ... ' Feel like blowing your top. Cilia?' Theo asked, his voice amused. 'Silently this time. What a change 1' log

  She felt her cheeks bum. How could he have known? Was it so obvious? ' I was thinking.' 'That was obvious. Hurry up, now. Your coffee must be cold. Have you forgotten it's there?' She had! Which didn't help matters, either, so she hastily gobbled down the cold coffee and stood up. ' All right,' she said. ' What do you want me to do this time?' she asked, trying to keep her voice steady, for anger had a horrible habit of making her voice tremble. He stood up, towering above her, a tall lean man with dark hair and sideboards. A handsome man, but his eyes were cold. And then she saw the same little curl that stood up at the back of his head and that she had noticed that first time they had metand how absurdly her hand had ached because she wanted to smooth the curl down. Which didn't make sense at all. But her hand still ached! ' Come in the car,' he said curtly. She followed him outside. He had no chauffeur with him. He drove as if they were going to Victoria, but abruptly turned across the road and parked the car in a large tourists' sightseeing ground that she recognised at once, remembering the night before and the way Colin's car was flooded by the brilliant light of a car that was passing. Had that been Theo's car? Was a lecture about to begin? A warning of a parked car as if she was a teenager or even younger? She was so tired of ... Theo's next move found her totally unready, for he stopped the engine, turned to her and swept her no in his arms that closed round her like bands of iron. Before she could even struggle his face came down over her, his mouth pressed hard against hers... She stiffened, but there was nothing she could do. She was completely at his mercy and he gave her none as his" mouth hardened down on hers brutally. It was so different from the way Colin kissed her. So ... A strange feeling was sweeping through her, a feeling she had never known before. She found herself fighting herself, for she longed to throw her arms round his neck, to press his mouth down, to let her lips return his kiss. Never in all her life had she felt like that . . . never. Why had it to be for a man she hated? He let her go and she fell back along the seat, limp and exhausted. Well?' Theo demanded. There was no affection in his voice, no tenderness. ' Well?' she echoed. ' You were kissing Colin Paine when I drove up last night?
' Some of her vanished strength returned as anger grew. ' And what if I was?' ' Plenty of reasons. That man's a real pain in the neck. He's always . . .' ' It's no business of yours!' ' That's where you're wrong. It is my business. Not from choice, I can assure you.' ' Just because I kissed Colin . . .' ' But did you? You lay like a frozen stick in my arms, stiff as can be as if something revolting was happening.' in

  A wave of relief swept through her. At least for once he hadn't discovered the truth. The truth that she dared not faceup to yet was horribly aware of every moment. s Why did you kiss me?' she managed to say. ' I wanted to see if you were playing it round. You might have several boy-friends for all I knew. I wanted to find out!' Her cheeks were hot. ' Find out what?' He smiled. ' If you were easy.' 'Easy?' she almost shouted, and her hand flew out, aiming for his cheek, but he caught her hand as it flew through the air and his fingers closed tightly round her wrist. 'How dare you 1 Let me go! You've no right . . . and . . . and was I?' He laughed, letting go her wrist and tossing her hand down on to her lap. ' On the contrary. I should think my kiss was the first real one you've ever had. You were scared stiff.' Her cheeks flamed, because he was right on both counts, though one was for a totally different reason. ' And ... and what if I was? I don't like men who suddenly grab me and . . .' 8 Don't you?' he asked, his eyes narrowing, and for a moment she could hardly breathe. Did he know the truth? Had she given it away? If he know ... oh, then life here would be impossible. The amusement left his face and he looked stern. ' I must admit I was relieved. I don't want you to get hurt. Steer clear of Colin. He has one idea onlyyour money. Has he asked you to marry him?' She nodded, still shaken from the force of Theo's kiss and her fury afterwards. 112 jl "You want to?'Theo asked. ' You love him?' y " I ... I don't know,' she admitted. j| "Well, think about it from a different angle,' ||Theo told her angrily. ' Colin happens to be one ||of Paul's best friends. Right? Doesn't that tell pyou why Colin is buttering you up?'| 'I don't understand.' | ' In other words, you don't want to. Look, as I | told you before, what could be better for everyone r than that Colin, who's always in and out of jobs, should marry you? Paul would get Joanna's half and Colin would take over yours. Very convenient. It stinks of Paul.' 'That's not true. Paul wouldn't be like that. Colin isn't just . . .' said Cilia, her voice rising. ' How dare you say such a horrible thing I Colin loves me. He keeps telling me so.' ' A good actor! Or are you too stupid to see the truth? Paul is after your money, and so is Colin.' Cilia was so angry she fumbled for the car door handle. ' Where are you going?' Theo asked. ' I want to get as far away from you as I can,' she said angrily. ' If I want to marry Colin, I will.' Theo's hand caught hold of her wrist. 'You can't, i Peter Kent thought you'd had enough shocks, so he left out one bit until a more suitable moment. That moment has come. If you marry before you're thirty, you must only marry a man one of the trustees approves of. Write to Peter and ask him if you can marry Colin. Peter knows him, too. Colin worked for me at one stagenothing but troubles. Peter had to cope with him, he won't have forgotten.' "3

  ' I don't believe it,' Cilia said angrily. ' You just dislike everyone I like. If only Aunt Lil could see you nowa fine trustee, I must say 1 Mocking me, making me look a fool in front of people, trying to spoil everything I do. Colin and I are good friends and I trust him . ..' Theo had started the engine. ' In other words, you don't trust me,' he said. She stared at him. ' No ... I don't,' she said angrily. ' I see.' He smiled. ' I must get you home, as I'm expecting a phone call,' he added casually as if they had not been fighting. Neither spoke as he drove her back to Joanna's house and when he stopped the car. Cilia got out without a word and almost ran to the house. As usual Theo seized his chance. ' Mirid you don't tripl' he shouted. Cilia didn't look round, but she did trip, almost stumbling into the house, running along the corridor to her bedroom. Once inside she held her hands to her face as she faced up to the truth. The truth she didn't want to admityet the truth that every bone in her body knew and regretted. How could you love a man you hated so much? she asked herself. Yet that was the truth. Theo's kiss had told her the truth, and the truth was something you could not deny. That afternoon when Joanna asked questions about the wedding. Cilia had to be careful. Whatever happened no one must know the truth. So she told Joanna about Theo's teasing because she couldn't swim and Fiona's suggestion he should teach Cilia at their swimming pool. 114

  She just wants to see me make a fool of myself. Everyone was listening, standing round us and laughing.' Joanna looked uncomfortable. Can't you swim yet?' she asked. Cilia shook her head. " I'm scared stiff of my face going under water. I don't know why, but I got terribly teased and in trouble at school. This r was Anthony's doing. I know he was always worrying m case I slipped on the rocks, so he asked his uncle to teach me.' ' Rather sweet of him.' s sof Anthony Yes-<>i "Theo, no,' Cilia said bit-Ij; terly. His whole idea was to make me look a fool' I "Of course Fiona enjoyed the opportunity.' I ' She made the most of it. Colin was angry I Ewas afraid they were going to have a big row.' 'It seems very mean of Theo,' commented Joanna. ^ 'He is mean .. . horribly mean,' Cilia said, and | to her dismay found her voice was unsteady and | she was near tears. s I've got a headache-the air I is terribly humid. I think I'll go and lie down for I a while. I a Good idea. It is very humid today,' Joanna | agreed, staring after her sister, a little puzzled. ? h 5"^ cxlla had gone and was soon ^"S on her bed, her face buried in her hands as she tried to work out what to do next. Whatever happened no one-least of all Theo-must ever know that she loved him. "5

  CHAPTER XII

  The exceptionally humid air acted to help Cilia, since she could pretend it made her feel exhausted and so spent the next week mostly in bed. Joanna was sympathetic, and when Colin phoned she explained that Cilia was not used to this kind of climate and not fit to go out dancing or to dinner. Colin accepted it and Cilia spent hours lying on her bed, her mind whirling round and round as she tried to make sense of her own behaviour. How could you love a man you hated? How could she be so stupid as to let herself fall in love with a man like Theo? Was she really in love withshould she say, did she really love?Theo? Had her reaction to his kiss been a mere chemical reaction? Marriage based entirely on a sexual aspect could surely not succeed. Wouldn't she be happier with Colin? Colin who loved her dearly, who was so gentle, with ; whom she could spend hours and neither of them : say a cruel word? Surely that was a far better back- i ground to a happy marriage? But when you! marry, did you have to ask yourself all these questions? Surely you should know the answers with-; out asking the questions. When you loved ... ] Suddenly the rain came and Cilia's excuse ceased j to exist, so she got up, having made up her mind; to go to Victoria, and find a solicitor to ask his | advice about Aunt Lil's will and to discover if a ' condition ' could prevent her from marrying without one of the trustees' approval. She did not 116 believe it. Theo was merely tricking her ... Also she would ask the solicitor to write to Peter Kent and find out just how long Aunt Lil had said she must stay on the island, for the sooner she left it, the better . . . Yet, she thought, she had grown to love the island and the way of living. She could not see herself back in London, living in a flat in Gloucester Road, queueing up for the bus in the rain, battling with a crowd on the underground, going to that office day after day after day . . . Never to see Theo again . . . She turned away from the window, her eyes smarting as the tears flooded them. ' ' Face the truth,' she told herself sternly. ' You must go. You have no choice.' Joanna was still asleep as she always slept until about twelve o'clock, so Cilia went out to her sports car, rubbing her hand over the side of it. She would miss this car. Funny how fond of a car you could get, and Joanna would sell it and buy another. Deciding to go straight into town and find a good solicitor. Cilia looked through the pockets on the side of the car and was startled to find a silk scarf. It could only be Theo's. Why, it must have lain there for agesshe could not remember when last Theo was in her car. Theo was quite capable of accusing her of having stolen it. What a joke he could make it, she t
hought. Joanna's was not far from his house and he was probably out, so she decided to take the scarf over. She could give it to Ermyntrude. As she drove up towards the house she loved so "7